Goals of an Olfactory Nature
by Kirino Imouto Lover
Summary: Misa is set on killing Light with a fart technique she has learned, while a boy she doesn't know is working to bring multiple anime worlds together...and then Misa meets Tea Gardner, famous for a card game involving farting girls, and Tea is chipper until they have a run-in with one of Tea's nastiest rivals...


**Goals of an Olfactory Nature**

 **Chapter One**

Misa had to fart.

Killing Light was her main goal in scarfing down the three large pepperoni pizzas she did. Oh, she didn't know his name. If she had his name, she'd have him killed in a jiffy jim. He didn't have her name either, thank goodness. But there's more than one way to kill a Herbert.

She traipsed past a building in which they were discussing the probable banning of the fart known as the Vaquash. Misa did not know that in the next building coming up, a boy was tinkering with a machine which would make her world more troubled than ever. She would have farted on him and hope that solved the problem if she had known. (It would have, but this world cannot live on what might have beens, only on what people allow themselves to be.)

Oh how her fart would inflare Light's nostrils and cause him to scream for mercy. And the silly government, making certain farts illegal. Made girls want to try them. And now Misa knew that the fart she had planned could kill just as effectively as if she wrote someone's name down in the Death Note. She had tested it, and killed a dude on the subway with her fart particles. He was having an orgasm at the time, though, so she was sure he loved it. Even though he was dead afterward and she couldn't ask him.

She kept walking, her fishnets sure to make Light go bonkers with allurement. This was why she was chosen to wield the Death Note, because she had the wherewithal to learn skills such as farts that could put men to death after sending them into an ecstatic rapture of the eortic kind.

Just as she stepped into the street, the earth shook and she fell backward. A girl caught her. She wore a pink. long sleeve jacket with a white blouse and blue scarf. "Glad I managed to prevent you from hitting your head," the girl said.

Misa had let out a few fart particles but the other girl didn't seem to notice; they weren't loud. Though the Ticro fart would require lots of noise. That was the one that would kill Light.

Suddenly her butt rankled and she couldn't keep her fart in. She had to let a little out, anyway. So she let it rip. "ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"

"Aw, that's so cute!" the brown-haired girl said. She was on her knees, sniffing Misa's fart. "Oh, yeah," she said, inhaling deeply. "From you to me, this wonder of gaseous pleasure..."

Misa was a bit weirded out. Then she looked at the silver necklace around the brown-haired girl's neck. "You're one of the Resin, aren't you?"

"Don't I bear the Resin's mark? Yeah, I'm one of them."

"Well, I do wish I could satisfy your fart pleasures, but I really must be going," Misa said, quite abruptly.

"Oh, please stay!" the brown-haired girl said, her eyes shimmering. "I love your fart, strange girl."

"I don't even know your name," Misa said.

"It's Tea. Tea Gardner."

"Oh," Misa said. "My name's Misa Amane. Nice to meet you."

They shook hands.

"Wait, you're not _the_ Tea Gardner, are you? _Fart Queen Contretemps_ international champion?"

"That's me," Tea said, smiling. "My friend Yugi taught me about card games, and so when I learned about FQC being girl fart related, I decided to try it out, and I found some good cards in a game shop, and yeah, now I've won a few tournaments."

"But..." Misa said, staring at her. "You're a champion! And yet you're in the Resin."

"That is correct."

"Why though?" Misa asked, looked flabberghasted. "Why would you choose to be in a group celebrating getting farted on when other girls look up to you?"

"Because, Misa," Tea said, "sometimes I meet girls like you, who make every single moment of my life worthwhile."

"Fart must smell bad sometimes," Misa said, folding her arms.

"And if it does, you're the reason why a girl like me would want to smell it. If it came out of your anus, its worthwhile."

Misa blushed. That was too much."You really know how to make a girl feel good about herself, you know? To say that my hotness causes you to want to sniff my fart no matter how foul it is to your olfactory senses."

"The worse it smells, the better, if it's from you," Tea said, batting her eyes coquettishly.

"Well," Misa said. "Makes me almost wish I could skip my appointment and satisfy your desires."

"You can always fart on me later," Tea said. "Here's my card."

She handed over a business card which read:

 _Tea Gardner_

Known for: _Fart Queen Contretemps_. Don't ask to play that game against her. You might reqret it.

Member of: The Resin.

202-555-6116.

Services include: fart-sniffing, butt-kissing, fart-inhaling, coerced obedience, playful thrashing (but only if the mistress requests it), serving as pillow, cushion, long hours of farting by mistress also welcome.

"Wow, you really go in for a lot, don't you?" Misa said, almost handing the card back. But then she saw the hurt in Tea's eyes.

"Please, keep it. I want to see you again. And smell more of your fart. Please, Misa."

"All right," Misa said, pocketing it. She had already broken several rules, including given Tea her actual name. But there was one rule she was having trouble ignoring: _Never let yourself get close to anyone._

"I have both your names now," said a figure in a dark cloak, who stepped out of the shadows. "I shall kill you both, Misa Amane and Tea Gardner, with a single Death Note!"

Misa shivered. She watched as the man began writing her name down. She would die and it'd have been all because she told her name. How could she have been so stupid to disregard the law of secrecy?

And then she smelt it. Tea was farting like there was no tomorrow. It ripped at Misa's nostrils, she wanted to scream. But on the flip side of the coin, she wanted to taste it, swallow it, let it engulf her...was this what Tea went through whenever she smelled malodorous fart from a hot girl's anus?

The man in the robes fell to the ground. Tea ripped the hood off his face and sat over his nose, farting away.

Misa now recognized the movement of the Ticro fart, as Tea shifted her butt around the man's face, farting nonstop. Tea was going to kill him with fart the way Misa planned to do with Light! Sweet!

After a few moments, he went limp, ceasing to breathe or move.

"You killed him!" Misa said. "As sure as if you had used a deathnote."

"Feel his heartbeat before you're certain of that," Tea instructed.

Misa pressed her ear against the man's chest. She didn't hear anything. "I would say he's dead."

"The Ticro is powerful," Tea said. "Use it on men correctly and it will kill them. On girls it has a different effect, though some fartologists have argued that the effect is the same, essentially."

"Tea, could you come with me?" Misa asked abruptly. "I'm going somewhere where I'll have to perform the Ticro. And I was wondering if you'd...coach me."

"Is it your first time doing it?" Tea asked.

"Well, not necessarily. I've killed someone before with it. But I'm not yet at the point where I'm completely comfortable with my technique. And I worry the guy might not die if I don't do it correctly, and he must die."

"I can perform the Ticro for you if you want. Make it easier."

"No," Misa said. "He must fall by my hand. Or anus. Or whatever. I must be the one to kill him."

"Well, I'm willing to help you in way I can," Tea said. "And I have a B.A. in fart training. So I reckon I'd make a great coach."

Misa still could not believe that a girl as clearly dominant as Tea was could be so eager to be a submissive. Was she really pretty enough to cause Tea to be like that? But Tea was in the Resin...that meant she anticipated meeting girls like Misa. Well, not exactly like her. Tea probably didn't have a specific girl type in mind when she signed up for the Resin, but the gleam in her eyes when she looked at Misa told the latter plenty about how her new friend had anticipated meeting someone such as her.

"Shall we get going, then?" Tea asked.

"Oh right," Misa said. "Yeah, it's time."

"To kill with fart, requires precision," Tea said.

"What?"

"I don't know how in depth your familiarity with the Ticro is, but it's all about perfect timing."Tea said. "If you don't fart up their nostrils in a precise way and vien the approximate amount of time for the nostrils to breathe in the noxious gas at the angle you direct it, your victim might not fall dead."

"You get pretty technical with it," Misa said. "That's very endearing."

"Thanks," Tea said. "Now lead the way."

Misa and Tea maneuvered through the town on their way to Light's apartment. They clambered in the elevator and Tea whispered something in Misa's ear which caused her to blush scarlet. Then the doors opened and the girls pranced out. Misa led Tea to the middle of the hallway, where a bright orange door with the brass numberal 613 awaited her fist for knocking.

Only Misa was met with a surprise, for on the door was a picture of her in a bikini. There was a caption below it, which read, "In a perfect world, this girl would dominate me, but chances are we'll never meet."

Misa felt a shiver run down her spine. Did Light think he could get hold of her name by making her feel sexy? Well, nice try. Even if he did find out her name, he'd be dead before he could access his Death Note and write her name down on it.

"I think this guy is obsessed with you," Tea said. "He's not an ex-boyfriend of yours, is he?"

"No," Misa said, wrinkling her nose. "I wouldn't be killing an ex-boyfriend for revenge or something, if that's what you're thinking."

"Okay, I believe you. But how do you plan to get inside?" Tea asked.

"Easy," Misa said. "By turning my Death Note into a key."

"Er, how do you plan to do that?" Tea wondered. "Isn't a Death Note like, paper and cloth? No way you can turn that into a key."

"Oh but I can, using the wand Sakura lent me."

"Who is Sakura?" Tea asked, as Misa extracted a miniature key-ring from her purse. She also took out a card with a bronze overlay and featuring flowers intertwined around a fairy girl who resembled Misa very strikingly.

"Is that supposed to help us get in the apartment?" Tea inquired, skeptically.

"Simple. Watch this." Misa pressed the side of the key ring and it expanded to become a staff about four feet long. Then she tossed the card on the ground and said, "Release the light, Fart Key Card!"

"What is a fart key?" Tea wished to know.

But Misa didn't answer. Her face scrunched up as she stood there, seemingly immobile. Then she leaned forward, her hair brushing against Tea's wrist. Butt in the air, Misa released a huge, long fart, which caused Tea's clitoris to dance with glee.

Two teenage girls heard the noise and watched Misa fart. Then they ran off giggling. Tea could imaginae oh so clearly what they'd be doing once they found a secluded spot. They seemed to take delight in watching Misa fart (judging by the light in their eyes), and they probably would have sneaked by for a sniff if Tea hadn't been there.

A clanking sound alerted Tea to face the spot where Misa now stood. A key had folded out of the card, if Tea could believe such a happenning.

Misa picked up the key, tossed it in the air, caught it, and fitted it in the lock.

"How did you do that?" Tea inquired, staring at Misa as if she never saw anyone like her before.

"A fart key is sort of like a skeleton key in that it can open nearly any door," Misa said. "The main difference is that fart keys can open metaphorical doors too, and skeleton ones can only open physical doors."

"Sounds really useful."

"It is," Misa said, depositing the key, card, and now-shrunken staff in her purse. "Now latch the door. We don't want him escaping before we have a chance to kill him."

Tea did as she was told, thinking she would have obeyed Misa even if the blond beauty had ordered her to rob a bank or some other egregious crime.

Now let's find that lucky victim-to-be," Misa said. "But first, for maximum fart efficacy..." She kicked off her skirt, so that she stood with only shirt, panties, and fishnets. "He doesn't deserve to see the full moon, does he?" Misa asked Tea, though not seeming to expect an answer, she hurried off in search of their quarry.

They scoured the entire apartment except for the main bedroom, he was nowhere in any of the other rooms, so he had to be in that one if he was home.

"It's locked," Tea said, as she twisted the knob of the bedroom door.

"Nothing the fart key can't open," Misa said, rummaging in her purse again. She pulled the key out and slipped it in the keyhole, then kicked the door open.

And there the young man lay, snoring and unsuspecting that his last few minutes on Earth were at hand.

"It seems such a shame to kill someone in an innocent state of being," Misa said. "Oh well." and without further ado, she turned the snoozing young man on his side, sat on his face, and farted. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAMM," her butt said, if we can refer to the sound posteriors make when they emit gas as "speech."

Light woke up with stinging in his eyes, caused by Misa's fart. She grinned back at him with triumph as she turned her heard so that he would know exactly who had written his death note, even though this wasn't the traditional way of killing someone with a death note.

But after five minutes of farting, Light was still alive. Misa was very puzzled. Hadn't Tea put their assialnt to death in a few minutes? Why couldn't she...?

"You have to move and down while releasing the fart at a thirty-five degree angle so that it taps the right part of the interior of his nostrils in the proper sequence," Tea said.

"Well, that's helpful," Misa said, meaning it. "Only...I don't know how to manage a thirty-five degree angle. Could you show me?"

Tea demonstrated, leaning forward provocatively. A tiny fart came from her butt, Misa had to squish her toes together in her sandals to keep from going nuts over Tea's fart in such a serious situation.

Misa mimicked Tea's movement, but Light continued to remain alive.

"Are you farting northwest or northeast?" Tea inquired.

"Which is which?"

"Well, northeast causes the right nostril to flare first. Northwest causes the left nostril to make the initial flare."

"How do I tell which nostril is flaring?"

"You can feel it," Tea said.

Misa sighed and farted some more, attempting to pinpoint which nostril flared first. "Pretty sure its the right one."

"You're farting northeasterly then," Tea said. "You need to do it northwesterly in order to kill him."

"I'm trying!" Misa exclaimed in frustration.

"I can do it if you wnat, it's no big deal."

"I'm the one who must kill him," Misa said. "Otherwise I won't get to attend the Fart Academy inSan Glory County!"

"That university will only let you in if you kill someone by farting?" Tea asked, the idea sounding weird to her.

"Essentially, yes. It's connected with the Death Note."

"I comamnd enough attention," Tea said. "Maybe I can get you in, since I can verify from what I"ve seen tonight that you'd be an amazing student at any fart university."

"Thanks, Tea. That means a lot."

Tea beamed at Misa, then pounced with her butt landing on Light's legs.

"What'd you do that for?"

"He was about to escape. Misa, I think you should finish him off with the Ticro."

"But you were the one arguing that I don't have to."

"I changed my mind. Kill him, as fast as you can."

"Why, what...?" Misa was very puzzled by Tea's sudden vehement nature.

"Do you know that girl whose portrait is on the wall?" Tea said, nodding in the direction of a painting. Misa stared at it. "She looks familiar."

"She was my rival in the worlds admissions for Fart Queen Contretemps, she hates me and wants me to be her personal toilet for the rest of both our lives. And given that the guy under your butt has a picture of her here, she must be important to him."

"Light, who is that girl on the wal?" Misa asked. There were muffled noises, then she shifted down a bit but sat on his neck.

"She's my girlfriend," Light choked out. HIs eeys seemed to waver around the room, as if looking for a way out of this situation.

"Oh really?" Tea said, resting her palms on LIght's bedposts and placing her chin on top of them. She had ceased to achieve this position. It made Misa a bit nervous because now she was the only one directly preventing Light from escaping. "Then why do you have a picture of Misa in a lasivious attitude on your door?"

"MMisa? That's your name?" he said, gazing at the blond. "Better get my death note. If you'll just let me..."

"No way!" Misa exclaimed. She sat back on his lips. "Show me that thirty-five degree angle again, please," she said to Tea.

The latter did so. Misa achieved it, and then she began farting, and as the minutes elapsed her fart grew louder and smellier. Then one giant fart that went on for four minutes jrupted from her butt. At the end of it her posterior felt like it needed a good shower, but she felt ecstatic with what she had done.

"You did it!" Tea said, and Misa looked. Light's eyes were shut. She didn't hear any breathing. Tea pressed her head against his chest. She didn't find a heartbeat, and when Misa dug her fingernails into his palm, she felt no pulse.

"He's dead," Misa said. "I did it!" She held up her arms in triumph.

"Awesome," Tea said, all smiles.

"Now it's off to Fart Academy," Misa said, sighing. "Peaceful, blissful, wonderful training of a formal kind, in my favorite subject, fart."

"You two won't be going anywhere," said a voice from the doorway. The real-life counterpart of the girl in the doorway marched in with a couple of her friends. "You killed Light, my brother. And now you will pay."

"He was your brother?" Misa asked. "Said he was your boyfriend."

"He was Almire's boyfriend," she said, indicating her friend who had the shortest skirt every. "Almire's in the picture, though you only see the top of her head."

Misa looked, and now she could make out Almire's blue hair in the portrait, as well as her forehead. She was sitting at the feet of Light's sister if the picture was to be believed.

"My friend and I will be going now," Tea said.

"No way, Jose. You both have just put my brother to death. Which means you are only fit as toilets for me and my girlfriends."

"I'm not going to be a toilet for you at all," Tea snarled.

"Guess again, sweet thing," Light's sister said. She and the other two girls cornered Tea and forced her to lick the main girl's butt. She released a massive fart, and Misa watched in horror, for she could see that Tea hated this girl.

"You leave her alone!" she said, balling her hands into fists.

"Or what?" taunted the leader of the trio.

"Or I'll kill you."

"Silly darling. the Ticro only kills males."

"I don't need to use the Ticro to write your name in a Death Note."

"Yes," said the main girl, "but you do need my name, and that's something you're not going to get."

"I have Almire's name. I can kill her."

"You won't be doing that, because she needs you to fart on," said Light's sister. "To kill her is to deny yourself further training for the precious academy you hope to attend. So I advise you to not do that."

"You girls aren't going to help me," Misa said.

"Oh, aren't we?" the main girl asked, her eyebrows raised.

"You don't seem like the helping type."

"If you let me do as I wish with Tea, you'll find I'm the best friend you ever can have. And what I want from Tea is just for her to suffer from my fart at all times my butt needs to release. That's a simple matter now, isn't it?"

"No," Misa said. "She's my friend, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't like being farted on by you."

"Which is why it makes me so happy to force her. Now you listen to Almire now, obey her completely, and you'll be ready for fart school. Disobey her, and I'll put in as many obstacles to prevent you from ever attending any reputable fart academy in this country. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes," Misa said. She hated the prospects, but she needed to buy time to think of how to free herself and Tea. Heck the way she felt now, she'd gladly serve these girls as a toilet and save Tea, since Tea was the one who couldn't stand the treatment from these girls. Misa could handle it, she was sure. So as Almire advanced toward her, Misa put down her fighting stance. There was a time to fart on others and a time to be farted on, and whether it made her happy or not, this was one of the latter, and so she nearly bit her tongue as she waited for Almire to plop her posterior in Misa's face and let out the farts she knew that butt capable of releasingg, could taste them already.


End file.
